It's funny. This is the second time I'm sitting down to write this post. The first time seemed just fine when i wrote it, but now, in retrospect it seems hollow, and utterly false. We can't have that. Can we? What's the point of keeping a record if you fail to do so as honestly as you're able.
I'm excited. Have no doubt. It's time for this journey to begin, but I find myself oddly sad to be leaving. Not just the people. I'll miss you all, and saying goodbye to you, was much harder than I thought it would be. Even though I'll see you all in September it seems likely that none of us will be the same people then, that we are now. I'm sure I won't be.
This is the scariest thing I've ever done, and while I know, esoterically, that it's a good thing, that doesn't change the fact that my self-preservation circuits are screaming out for me to stop, to stay here, to chicken out, and go back to the drudgery of a safe existence that brings no real challenges, and no real chance at true happiness.
I can't do that.
It's too late for that Aaron. He's already dead, and though I'm sad to be leaving this life, and you all behind, I am truly excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. It's probably for the best that I'm going to have several stops along the way where I'll be able to recharge, and see people I love, because I have a feeling that I'm going to need it.
I leave in the morning. I'm going to leave later than I originally planned, so that I can see Miguel and Mindy one last time before I go. I want to reiterate how much your love and support has meant to me through all of this, and especially now. I may add more to this in the morning, but I have a feeling that I won't. I'll let this stay as it stands, a testament to the journey, and more importantly to the fear of the unknown that we all know so well.
4.13.2010
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hi aaron,
ReplyDeletethis is mindy's cousin sandy we meet in DC for mindy and your dads 50th b'day. I just want to say how excitied I sm for you that you are embarking on this life changing journey. You are doing something many of us have dreamed of doing but for one reason or another never did. I give you alot of credit for have the courage to make this move and it is going to be so great to see the country and some of your loved ones as you travel along. I am looking foward to following your journey through your eyes and reading about your experiences and your feelings and thoughts. you write beautifully and it is so important to keep a journal as you go along. another thing I wish i would have done from my early childhood as I know alot of people have done. anyway congrats on making the change- its always so hard to make a change but you have already started to reap the benefits. you are already realizing what you have at home and it is very special and its been so great that you and mindy
have been able to share this last year together a bond that will last always and although its been said you can never go home again thats not true cause you already did and always can where ever your family is thats where home is.
so I wish you a safe journey and remember to cherish every moment enjoy it to its fullest since you will be moving on quickly.
PS glad to hear you are going to stay in touch with your family thats very comforting to them. maybe one day I can tell you about a few adventures my kids have had- and they are girls! espically julie who traveled around the world by herself and boy she has some stories!! she is very adventurous for sure and did not keep in touch sometimes for weeks!! But thank god she always made it home in one piece guess all our praying helped!
oh yeah and how exciting to be learning how to farm! one of my kids is a farmer has been for the last 12 years- lives in kentucky on a 1600 acre beef farm which she has changed over from conventional farming to "biodynamic" another subject to talk about with you check out Rudolph Steiner and he will open up a whole new world to you. although you have enough openning up at the moment!
well once again safe journey
love
sandy
Aaron,
ReplyDeleteHope you had a good first travel day. You are taking a difficult step very few people would ever be courageous enough to do. You go, guy!
Love,
Aunt Gabrielle